2 days on

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:10:05 +0200

So today I am feeling much more positive. I have spent a day out of the office at a networking event and then a day back in working quite hard. I got a lot accomplished and the day raced by.
I could do with a blitz to tidy up everything on my desk now but the impetus isnt quite there.
Looking forward to having a couple of days off at the end of next week when the kids break up from school. Not sure what I am going to do with them yet as the financial situation is worse than drastic at the moment. I think it may be a matter of home baking and using the swimming pool season ticket but no plans set as yet- might go to visit my Mum as she hasnt been very well but the cost of fuel is a factor which now has to be taken into account on everything we do.
Living in the middle of nowhere has its real down side. We need a car to go anywhere and each time I use it I worry about how much the fuel is going to cost to refuel.

Comments

Starting point

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:38:06 +0200

So, I have reached 39, not today but recently and I have started to wonder what I have to show for the first 39 years and what will happen for the rest of my life. Am I having a mid-life crisis? I wouldnt know, not having had one before. I am not unhappy generally, I have a solid marriage, 3 children who are absolutely wonderful and a secure job. I don't own my own house nor do I ever have any money but never really go without. I am overweight but not unattractive but at the moment feel lousy about everything. I have a lot of acquaintances but no really good friends. My husband is my closest friend really which is great most of the time but I cant really tell him how I am feeling at the moment cos I dont think he would understand. That all being said however I have decided to write how I am feeling to see if i can understand myself better and to work out what it is that I am trying to achieve.
I didnt want to come into work today, I think that i am stressed but cant express this to anyone so it would not be worth going to the doctors. The pressure at work is not that great and i am not missing any deadlines, I just dont want to do anything. If I spent a couple of hours sorting out my desk and clearing things up I would be able to fact it all a lot easier but I cant be bothered. Every time the phone rings I dread picking it up, once I have answered it, the problem goes away but it is the thought of it that is getting to me. It is the same with coming to work, I dread the thought of it but once I am here it really isnt that bad.
I spent the whole weekend tidying up the house with some assistance from the kids and hubby. It was such a mess and just dirty. If the house was always kept tidy it would feel a much nicer place to live. It could do with a lick of paint and the garden needs a complete overhaul. What I really want is one of those makeover teams to come and blitz the house and garden so that there could be a nice starting point to just maintain. We made 3 trips to the local dump with stuff that I just felt that needed to be thrown away. I think if I did the same thing for the next 3 weekends the house would begin to feel much better and less of a tip. There are so many things which we keep just because they may be useful at some stage in the future. Why do we do it? I am quite frustrated about the house at the moment. Apart from the fact that the decor is looking tired and we could really do with a new carpet and some flooring in the kitchen, it feels like i am the only person in the house who cares. I do all of the laundry (as you would expect a mum to do) but then there is everything else. If i could come home and it was as tidy as i left it i would be overjoyed. I have to try to encourage hubby to do a bit more and spend a bit less time on his computer- not that i am blameless in this area either. I spend far too much time on my computer when i should be doing other things:- listening to my children read, helping them with their homework and doing the housework. I think i might have to limit my computer time and the television time to see if things improve.

Comments

mid life crisis?

2 days on

Starting point